He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
