Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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