So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
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I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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