dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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