im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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