So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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