Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
