who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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