Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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