the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
