the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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