ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
