i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize