He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
