Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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