Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
