The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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