In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
