I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
