Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
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I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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