It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How does one acquire holy water?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
