thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
