I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
