I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
