i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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