I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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