I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
