dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
