no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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