i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
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If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
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Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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