The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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