You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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