You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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