Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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