This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
you never un-have a 4some
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
