To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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