Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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