she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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