'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
