i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
