Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
