You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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