I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
