I want to have your abortion
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
