Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
