I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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