i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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