Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
