Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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