I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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