I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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