he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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