You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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