I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
