yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
