I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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