i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
