My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize