Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
