I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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