There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
