He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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