I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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