Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
