Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
