great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
