Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
