your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
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I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
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put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They are going to name an STD after you.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?