it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.