dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.