I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
