I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.