i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
