I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
