i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
