also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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