the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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