apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
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you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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