the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
